De micro-ondas

Desde tiempos inmemoriales una sola pregunta ha estado en la mente del hombre. Desde que vislumbró su primer amanecer con los pies plantados en la tierra y una espalda recta hasta los primeros años del siglo XXI una sola cuestión se ha escapado de la habilidad humana para resolver problemas: ¿Qué pasa si meto un gato a un microondas y lo enciendo (al horno)?

Encontré entre mis discos de respaldo viejos un documento que casualmente respondia a esta importantísima pregunta, a continuación pongo el texto original, en inglés. Disculpas a los que no hablen gringo pero no tengo ganas de traducirlo.

"5 -- Misc. shit....Stick the cat in the Microwave (no, really) and don't turn it on (yet) just let it sit there, and look through the little see-through window...It should be scared as hell, since it's in a really tight spot, can't move much at all...If you really want to screw the fucker, nuke it! Just nuke it for 20 seconds at a time...The cat will start squirming at about 10 seconds (depending on the wattage of the Microwave)...After about 30 seconds, the cat will definitely have radiation poisioning, which will probably kill it within a month or less. If you nuke it for a minute, you'll probably kill it, depending on the size of the cat, the microwave cooks inside out, so after a minute, it's intestines and lungs will be a little toasty, maybe killing it, if not, probably sterilizing it or leaving it a slow and terrible death. Of course, you can go "All-Out" if you REALLY express rage for it, and can nuke it for 5 minutes...This is NOT for the Squeamish....I DO know someone who did this, and saw it....It was pretty fucking gross, and being the cat hater I am, I still felt sorry for it. In 30 seconds, it starts kicking and screaming and freaking out (which brings me to the point, you gotta make sure the door can't be opened, and you gotta make sure you don't want the microwave anymore). In 1 minute, it was started to spaz like nothing you've ever seen before, some blood was coming from it's mouth due to internal cuts the Nuking did, all types of seisures and some last moans were following at 2 minutes. At about 2 and a half minutes, the cat was still alive, it's pupils were dialated and it was twitching like someone stuck a Electrolysis gun up it's ass...At 3 minutes, it's almost dead...The smell of the cat would make any mortician throw up, that's why I would suggest alot of open windows and doors and some type of gas mask on. The last two minutes it the cool part...Now that the fucker is dead (for good reason too) it's time to watch the fireworks...I think at around 4 minutes, the cat started popping, it's eyeballs literally popped out of it's sockets, and the blood started to ooze, not a pretty sight..At about, 4 mins 15 seconds, it's fur starts to curl (although it was already crispy) and at about 5 minutes, the whole microwave is one big slaughterhouse. Which brings me to clean up...DON'T! I said earlier, Nuke the cat in a microwave you no longer want to use (not to mention the microwave is probably broken anyway). Just throw the microwave away and chuckle off a couple laughs...Even take poloraids if you want".

Que lindo, ¿no? Usen este conocimiento sabiamente. Ahora, me encontré una historia ridícula sobre un disco original de Windows y un horno de micro-ondas, no he comprobado su veracidad, aunque alguien me dijo que meter CDs a un micro-ondas y prenderlo garantiza quitarle todos los rayones del disco en cuestión, yo estoy muy ocupado así que no lo hago.